Monday, November 14, 2011

Feeling Entitled to Paint

My happiest times are in the midst of a painting, when playing with my beautiful watercolor paints. I forget my worries; my arthritis pain disappears; I feel alive and just plain happy.

Yet sometimes I am plagued with self doubt and I don’t feel entitled to paint all I want. I think it would be better if I spent all this effort on environmental and social justice causes, in order to improve the world for my grandchildren. When I first retired, I volunteered at such organizations, but I did not enjoy it. In fact, it felt like WORK, perhaps because my career had involved a great deal of community service.
My “solution” to this internal conflict is to donate money to good causes and to spend my time, a far more precious commodity this late in life, on painting and with family.

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